Oh Bugger
by Lexiconish
Summary: Lelouch is forced into an unusual ultimatum and after some difficulty manages to succeed with it... however, a few upsetting complications arise in his plans. C.C. foresees problems in this relationship. C.C./Lelouch. Please read and review.


**Chapter One: We're Not Friends. We're Accomplices.**

C.C. smirked as she watched Lelouch's parents deliver the news to him. If he was serious about becoming Emperor, she knew he'd do it, but still... how humiliating for him.

"You can't be serious! I'm barely 17!"

"It's a tradition," said Lady Marianne, "all predecessors to the throne had to do it."

"Then," he protested, "Why am I the only one you're forcing to get married? I'm hardly the _only_ heir you know, so..."

Emperor Charles shifted comfortably in his seat, "Because Lelouch, you are the one most seriously vying for the throne. For Nunnally's sake, am I right?"

He was speechless. She couldn't repress a giggle. Her downfall, as it would happen. Lelouch sent her a glare that said: _I'll-get-you-back-for-being-so-sadistic_. And, he would. He was Charles's favourite son after all.

In order to lay claim to the throne, Lelouch had been given an ultimatum; get married by the end of the year, or they would hand the throne to the mediocre first prince Odysseus, one of Lelouch's many half siblings.

...

"What's the problem Lelouch?" she said calmly as he paced past her for the eighteenth time. "Just pick a girl. What about Shirley?"

"Ugh, it's wrong to abuse her feelings like that," he snapped.

"Then that other red-head, what is it, Kallen?"

"Everyone knows she and Gino are together, they'd never forgive me..."

C.C. shrugged. "Lelouch, you're surrounded by women. You can't really be having this problem."

"Oh, but I am. So? More suggestions C.C.!"

The green-haired woman swiftly rose from the seat and waved a hand carelessly behind her. "Your problem not mine Lelouch. You think about it."

"Sadistic witch," he snarled, "I'm going to marry someone, but it has to be someone suitable. I'm not just thinking for myself, but for Nunnally as well – whoever I marry would become her sister-in-law..." C.C. had already left the room, sniggering as Lelouch continued to mutter.

Who, oh who would he choose, she wondered. Perhaps it would be Shirley in the end anyway. _'Just think, all his problems would be solved if he were sick enough to marry his beloved little sister. He certainly loves her enough.'_

…

Lelouch had gathered an enormous group in his study, and everyone was lounging on top of other people to fit inside. Lelouch sat at his desk, chin resting on his interlaced fingers and eyes closed. C.C. stood behind him, listening intently to find out who his betrothed would be. She'd invited herself to the gathering, much to Lelouch's apparent annoyance.

Throughout the past week as he'd paced and growled and grumbled as his form of considering his options, news had gotten round through a convenient source, and everyone had speculated on the identity of Lelouch's choice.

"It'll probably be Shirley," Suzaku said happily and the red head had blushed. "After all, she's one of Lelouch's best female friends, and everyone knows she likes him. It would be the sensible choice in Lelouch's eyes."

"It could be Milly!" Euphy joked.

"No way, she's engaged to Lloyd, remember?" Suzaku protested and Rivalz wailed. "Sorry," the brunette man said, patting the other's head sympathetically.

Milly was smiling, listening to the wild ideas, when she noticed C.C. watching television and eating pizza in the corner of the room and exclaimed, "It'll be C.C.!"

Everyone gaped and C.C. burst out laughing. "What, is it so hard to believe?" Milly defended her suggestion, "Of all people other than Nunna of course, she _is_ the one closest to him."

C.C. continued to laugh. "You're mad," she giggled, "Lelouch and _I_? I would refuse. Lelouch and I don't even have what you call friendship, let alone closeness. We're accomplices."

Everyone rolled their eyes. That was Lelouch and C.C.'s repeated catchphrase when questioned on the nature of their relationship. The most sense anyone could make of it came from their childhood when Lelouch and she would unite to do stupid things like steal cookies for Nunnally – but even then, they usually had someone else in on it, like Suzaku or Euphemia.

Still, the catchphrase signalled the end of the conversation, and we return now to Lelouch's study where he was preparing to make the announcement. However, Lelouch was incapable of doing anything simply. "By now you're all aware of the ultimatum my parents have given me." He opened his eyes to check they all knew and seeing the nods, folded his arms and leant back. "I have called all of you here to hear the announcement of my decision on whom I will marry, and one of the people in this room is my choice."

C.C. rolled her eyes. _'Get to the point,'_ she thought, _'I am hungry and there is no pizza in here.'_

"I have also a few things to say to some of you." He paused. "Now… Kallen." Everyone jumped and Kallen, never mind she found Lelouch attractive, silently prayed he wasn't suggesting she was his choice. She could hardly say no. "The reason I did not choose you is obvious; you are in a relationship with Gino. This would naturally upset you and…" he paused again, "And I suspect Gino would have more than a few things to say about the choice. You are safe."

"Euphemia." Everyone pulled a disgusted face. Half-siblings or not it was still just wrong. "I obviously didn't choose you because you're related to me, but also because you're obsessed with Suzaku." The two blushed. "It's exceptionally obvious. Suzaku, I have nothing to say to you." A few girls looked disappointed that Lelouch was not attracted to his brunette friend.

He went on like this, explaining to everyone why they hadn't been picked. C.C., bored of mentally willing him to get on with it, left the room to go and order pizza, and by the time Lelouch had finished addressing Nina, had already devoured a box. Hearing the man's stomach better than anyone else might have, she didn't even ask if he was hungry before stuffing a slice into his mouth. He glared but she waved it off, muttering a 'you're welcome' and returning to her food. She therefore missed the malicious glint in Lelouch's eyes as he thought of how he planned on punishing her for her insolence.

"Finally," he said, swallowing the pizza, "Shirley." The occupants of the room held their breath; she was the only one left. He must have chosen her after all. "You're a sweet and kind young woman, and a wonderful friend." People were going blue in the face from holding their breath; except for Shirley, who was going red. "But, it would be wrong to abuse your affections for me." Faces returned to normal as she stared in shock. "As amazing a person as you are, my feelings are not the same. To marry you just so I could have the throne and help Nunnally would not be right in my eyes."

She nodded, still shocked, but understanding. If Lelouch did not love her… then it was a cruel thing to let her believe he did. "But…" Euphemia pointed out, "That's all the people you gathered here. You haven't said who you'll marry."

He smirked and C.C. was suddenly aware of his evil intentions. "No!" she yelped before he'd even spoken, shooting to her feet with surprising speed. "You didn't even call me here, no way!"

"I did not need to ask you to come," he said calmly, "I knew you'd come to be entertained. A pity the tables have turned."

The rest of the room seemed to grasp what had happened, some crying out, "C.C.!" and Milly cheering that she _knew_ it!

"But I refuse to marry me Lelouch," she said, feigning her usual composure. "Any other woman you might have picked would have had no choice but to agree – however, I am next to equal to you, and I actually have the right to say no." She grinned. "And I say no. A true gentleman would have proposed the proper way anyway,' she added, sweeping from the room.

Lelouch did not seem bothered by the rejection however. He'd been annoyed before (and still was. Why should he have to _marry_ of all things?) but now he had decided to make a game of it. Lelouch _always_ won games… except against Schniezel, his older half-brother, but that was a side point and he would win _one day_. "Ladies and gentleman," he said, wheeling his chair about to face them again and finishing his slice of pizza, "cast your bets now. One of us is going to give in and it won't be me." He stood, following his target out the door.

There was silence a moment, and then the room erupted in people shouting their ideas of who would win. "Lelouch!" some shouted, "Who _wouldn't_ give in to Lelouch?"

"I don't know," others said, "C.C. is extraordinarily stubborn after all."

Suzaku – C.C.

Euphy – C.C. (how could she say no to Suzaku?)

Kallen – Lelouch

Gino – Lelouch

Shirley – C.C. (this may have been wishful thinking)

Milly – Lelouch!

Rivalz – Lelouch

Nunnally – C.C.

Anya – Lelouch

Lloyd (who had wandered in at some point to enjoy the fun) – Lelouch

Rakshata (out of pure spite towards Lloyd) - C.C.

Cecile – "It's a fairly even outcome. If C.C. gives in, she would probably not consider it was losing." To this everyone glared.

The bets continued in a similar manner, Nina choosing not to bet and siding with Cecile (though she said if she were going to bet, she'd pick C.C. because Euphemia had).

Lelouch and C.C. grinned, both certain they would not be defeated.

…

"So how are you going to do this Lelouch?" Rivalz asked, "Because Milly and I have a lot of money riding on the outcome and we really need you to win. C.C.'s not going to be easy to crack is she?"

Lelouch grinned, leaning against the wall. "Rivalz, there is something C.C. loves more than anything in the world. What do you think would happen if her access to this was suddenly cut off?"

Rivalz paused, frowning and considering. What did the green haired girl adore anyway? "Um… I guess she'd be willing to do anything to get it back, right?"

"Precisely. Here she comes now." The two shared a conspiratorial look before the blue-haired boy stood back and let Lelouch work. "C.C.!" he called out, and the girl who had previously been minding her own business glanced over to him.

"Hmmm?" she said, raising a questioning brow.

"Come over here," he gestured. When she obeyed he continued, "C.C., you love pizza, don't you?"

Off to the side, Rivalz smacked his forehead; of course, pizza was the key.

"Absolutely."

"Then here's something that might make you a little upset," Lelouch said, smirking, "I'm cutting off your supply of pizza. Not another sliver of cheese will pass your lips… unless," he added, seeing her indignant expression, "you agree to marry me of course."

She tilted her head as if she were considering the offer. "Hmmm… no."

Both boys gaped. "WHAT!" Rivalz cried.

"I'll be fine thanks," said the amber-eyed girl, sauntering past them and into the room behind Lelouch. Lelouch, still in a state of shock, didn't register that the room she was entering was his own until she emerged carrying his wallet. His eyes widened as she withdrew a blue card from within and sent him a victorious smirk. "Lelouch, you know it's always worked this way anyway. You might want to keep a closer watch on your valuables."

He glared, attempting to snatch it back off her, but she pulled away, dashing down the halls. He jumped into action, sprinting after her… which could only mean he was going to lose. Rivalz tried to help, so did Milly, and several others who had bet on Lelouch winning… but unfortunately, the woman was surprisingly speedy.

"Damn it!" the raven-haired prince shouted, gasping.

"Damn it," a few other muttered.

Lelouch was sure that if Suzaku wasn't betting on C.C., he would have won this round. Everyone was sure he'd lost now; pizza was the thing C.C. loved most. Of course Lelouch _could_ cancel the card, but everyone knew he wouldn't; he never had. He'd always allowed her to steal his money.

Why, no one could fathom, but he did, and so why would he stop now?

…

"How dare you not help me before," Lelouch grumbled to Suzaku, slouched against the railings as Suzaku studied with Cecile and Lloyd toyed with a Knightmare in the background. "After all if I had had your help, I would easily have won."

"I bet on C.C.," Suzaku responded, "Someone had to. Actually, she was quite popular. If you give up now, I agree to split the money with you."

The prince shrugged. "Why would I need money? No, I'm going to keep trying." He pouted petulantly.

Suzaku frowned, waving his feathered pen around as he spoke to Lelouch, ignoring Cecile's annoyed protest as she realised he was no longer paying attention. "Why are you doing this anyway? What's in it for you? C.C. refused, why pick her in the first place? You knew she would say no, and you could have picked _anyone_ else."

Lelouch smirked. "But there's nothing even remotely challenging about having a wife on a silver platter," he said jokingly, "and besides, I'm getting my revenge on her." Seeing his friend's curious expression, he elaborated. "It's simple: C.C. is always making trouble for me, she steals my cards and uses my money to buy mountains of pizza, she's sadistic and laughs at my problems, she refused to help me select someone to marry and she laughed when she heard I had to do so. Therefore, I have decided that in marrying her, I will humiliate her."

"Oh." Suzaku sighed, realising this was just another one of the peculiar duo's games. The winner was cheered on by others, while the loser was publically humiliated. "So this has nothing to do with any kind of pleasant emotion?" he clarified.

"I assume you're referring to having _feelings_ for each other," Lelouch said, sighing, "No. C.C. and I aren't even friends, let alone anything more. We're-"

"Accomplices," Suzaku cut him off, rolling his eyes. "Everyone knows."

"Good."

"But really, I would recommend you give in. You may both be stubborn, and you may both have unfortunately endless persistence… but let's admit it, C.C. is much more patient, and too full of surprises. The pizza was the first card you played, which was a mistake considering it's really the trump card."

Lelouch mused on that for a moment before a slow smile slid over his face. "You're wrong Suzaku… I know something _else_ C.C. absolutely adores."

"Oh?" Suzaku asked, turning back to his homework, surprised to find Cecile had vanished. "It's not another kind of food, is it? You know she'll just steal your money again."

Lelouch glared, but it went unnoticed. "It's not a food. It's a plush toy." He began to laugh. Suzaku very slowly faced him again, an expression of pure horror on his face. Abruptly, the prince stopped, staring at him. "What?"

"You have a scary laugh."

…

The gathered crowd gawked at the massive structure before them, where Lelouch stood at the top, a blonde woman at his side laughing manically with him.

"How did you rig this up so quickly?" Kallen shouted from far, far below.

Lelouch stopped, the blonde kept laughing. "Milly helped," he called back matter-of-factly, as if that explained everything. Which, in this world, it did.

A collective 'Ohhhh….' was heard from the crowd.

What had everyone so awed was a huge pool filled with sharks with laser beams (A/N: XD) with a ladder leaning against an astoundingly tall pole with a claw on the end. Gripped in the claw was a blob of yellow something with bits of black and a hat. It was C.C.'s beloved Cheese-kun.

"She's coming!" Gino exclaimed and Milly and Lelouch scrambled down the ladder, removing it when they reached the bottom. Milly took off, carrying the ladder with Rivalz's and Lloyd's aid.

C.C. walked onto the scene, immediately intrigued by the structure, particularly by the sharks; it was very odd to see sharks with laser beams. "Lelouch," she said, seeing the exhausted man (rushing down the ladder had taken some effort). "This is quite a spectacle. What is it for? Another of Milly's festivals?" she paused a moment. "And how did you manage to fit it into this room?"

"C.C.!" he said theatrically, like a ring master, commanding everyone's gaze. "Do you see it?" he pointed to Cheese-kun. "If you deny me again…" he laughed a little crazily, "THE PLUSH TOY GETS IT!"

Suzaku stared. "Lelouch, you've lost it."

"I haven't lost yet!" he snapped.

"No, I mean you've lost your mind. You're crazy."

"That remains to be seen," he replied, "Well, C.C.? What's your answer?"

She took in her accomplice, then slowly switched her gaze to her beloved yellow thing, then back to Lelouch. "No," she said again, then leapt into the air, and with unsurpassed skill and agility, snatched Cheese-kun from the claw, landing on the other side of the pool, walking away and cuddling the plushie. "By the way Lelouch, kidnap is a crime."

"So is stealing my money!" he hissed at her retreating back, calling Milly to dismantle the magnificent sight; after everyone had taken some ridiculous photos with it.

How was he going to get his revenge if the witch refused to cave in?

….

_Author's Note: Thanks for reading, if you did. Well, I've loved Code Geass for a long time, and the C.C./Lelouch pairing, but I've never been able to come up with a good story for them. I still haven't worked out all the details of this one… please bear with me… but it's been fun to write so far, and I have at least planned out the next couple of chapters, and some later on as well._

_I know the forced marriage thing is overdone, but oh well, it gave me something to work with. As for what Nunnally needs help with, well I'll get to that later._

_Anyway, please, please review and tell me what you think. Please be honest; I'm pretty sure Lelouch was a bit out of character… but it is a comedy. Still… well, you let me know._


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